It’s 4:30 am. I am awake and expressing things onto this page. I blame the cup of joe i had few hours ago.
It is a good time to express some words here. This deep part of the net.
It feel a bit better lately.
I feel down for a few months.
I felt really down to a point where I almost consider to go for counseling. I went thru a few options. Maybe online or phone call.
Things turn around a bit. I tried going online meeting new people. Chatting, just getting to know people. There are people out there who are in the same boat with me. Those who just need a company to fill time.
I went back to the people i know. The people who i felt truly cares about my well being. The friends who I just feel comfortable with. It come to a realization, maybe the feeling i felt before is a one sided thing. Time waits for no one. Maybe the person I like isn’t the one for me. There a part of me longed for a companion who is there when i needed them the most. Somebody that when i am down on some little things is there to pick me up. I am not as strong as i am before. The world becomes more complicated.
As for now. It feels like the thing that matter is to know what I want. What I want is somebody that well, somebody that I can go to. Someone that I just fall to when things fall apart. A companion. Like Doctor Who companions. Just someone that we can go on an Adventure. One that could help put me in line to a good path.
Lately it seem that I can’t really feel any enjoyment in anything I do.
I sat down to play games, and it just feel empty
I sat down to watch some tv shows i don’t feel any connection
I sat down to enjoy things i love i can’t seem to be into it.
Hello there. It has been awhile since i wrote something here.
Well i guess its because it lies in the deep deep quiet parts of the internet. Maybe someday someone will find this. But hey the reason why I am here is because if anyone read this it would be already in the past .If anyone ever feel bad or anything. Just straight up and tell me you found this.I would not be mad, Mainly would be shocked.
Sooo lets begin.
It have been a difficult time for me to keep things bottle up and try not to be emotional. But hey, I am a human too. Since this would be a long post i might as well put it in a point form.
- It feels like people do not allow me to express my anger on Social media. Mainly because it seem immature. :heck posting here is also an immature thing to do. But what i am trying to say is that. I am pissed off. Angry when people can “beat around the bushes” trying to direct a message that it is about ME. I would like to be immature too and post similar type but, i guess i prefer what is the point.
- On another note, I been holding back.When i go out with someone special. I try not to show PDA or something like that. I’ll prefer being along and nice when were alone. BUT HEY people around me sees me like i am a useless fool. dumb hard headed no clue person. They have to show “how to” take care of people. It piss me off.
- I try. I try my best not to show off or show that i am better around people. But when i make a mistake, and someone else is better then what i do, they tend to shove it “in YOUR FACE” ..Sigh..
- Left out. People say, that friendship will last forever. Things like. I’ll never forget you or meet you again or you are my someone special. after 10-14 years. I see friends, getting married and heck i have no idea at all. Some already have kids. I guess my wedding invitation is lost somewhere. Oh well. yeah. Like Tony Stark Says. “So Was I”
- Speaking related as above. I do appreciate people see me as a role model. So far in my life it feel like i am usually the bind or glue to connect people. I remember people but somehow i don’t thing people remember about me. it feels lonely.
- You know that feeling you are trying to make good at people. You try to get the team together. You try your best to hold on the group. But sometime you are left out of your own group. (this does not make any sense)
- Being left out. Some friends see me i am that social type of person. In fact i prefer to stick with one or two people in my life. Or maybe three. But It is lonely when 3 of them have things to do and I am left out. Even if your i am paired with 1 person, I STILL BEING LEFT OUT. (longer rant here never mind) I might just be that guy who tag along or just a shadow.
- I try. I try my goddam best to keep my emotion at bay.
- Oh and the part of want to spend time with another person. NOPE when were in a group. Well my voice would be sunk deep behind. When i am talking and people interrupt. Hey.. nevermind my topic dosen’t matter.Suree.. take all the time and things you want to talk about. they are very very important
Wow.. that alot of things bottled up.
One year .. Seem one year passed by, from my last post.
I am still alive anyway.
just being emotional for a while.
Still single coz of shits how girls can’t be direct say what they want to say. I have enough of playing this chasing game. There are time when they seem to like you then there are time where They just take you for granted. this is annoying. I. Like you. Idiot.
Not much to say. Just work.
Not much to write.
Just want to say wish that there is somebody to talk to.
everyday, it is the same thing, same schedule, it almost 3 months since i had fun outside.
when i would wanted to nobody there. or the time is not right.
meh just stop here, cuz nobody read this anyways
What is this strange feelings?
Few days back, I had finish all my studies and course in my college.
Now i felt there nothing else to do anymore.
It seem quite these few days.
going out to find what am i gonna do.
thinking of something to do.